Tips and tricks: how not to talk to a male PUA

This is a swing and miss story.

Last night I went to the local Vancouver Sex Show. If you've never been to a sex show, it's really nothing to sneeze about. It's basically a trade show where vendors sell toys and clothing, complete with fashion shows and costumes. I thought it would be an interesting place to try out some of my more outrageous pickup lines. As soon as I got there I quickly realized that the sex show was not a place for singles to meet, but a mecca for couples trying to spruce up their sex lives.

Not really my scene

I did, however have in interesting interaction with a male PUA.

The Sex Show is the perfect place for PUAs to advertise and recruit men. There were two booths that I saw with "become more attractive to women. Talk to any women you want and see results" kind of advertising. One booth in particular had a group of very attractive men handing out cards and chatting up guys who wanted to join their ranks.

I walked up to the booth. They saw me coming a mile away, so by the time I got to them, five Male PUAs (5MPUA) formed a small circle around me.

Me: Sorry, I'm confused, do you teach men how to talk to women or how to get them to be able to go home with women?
5MPUA: Honestly a little bit of both, mostly how to talk to women though
Me: so are you all PUAs? (first mistake. Although it was entertaining to see the complete look of shock on their faces when I said that)
5MPUA: What's a PUA? (sly smile) Do you know what a PUA is?
Me: (realizing my first mistake) oh I'm not sure, I might have heard the term (sly smile back)
*at this point I lost four of my PUAs and was talking to just one. I knew I had lost them*
Me: Well it's interesting what your doing. Ever heard of a female PUA?
*at this point, I had completely thrown this guy off any hope of closing with me and he knew it*
1MPUA: Well I've never heard of it and don't really see the point.
Me: My name is B, it was very nice to meet you. (and I walked away)

Normally, I wouldn't be so lucky as to walk up to a booth with men actually advertising themselves as PUAs. It's why I was so aggressive with them about what they were doing. When I asked Bullseye about this interaction, he told me that the first thing you learn as a Male PUA is that if a woman figures out you're playing the game, most times the game is over. You move on.

The lesson here is to think about every interaction you have with men as a game. As women, we are socialized to be able to play emotional games with people, even if we just say things to illicit a certain response. Ladies, we do this sometimes without even knowing it, and it's why men are often intimidated to approach us. They've come to expect these things from us. Men, however, have to learn the art of playing mind games. For them, it's what being a PUA is all about.

If this lesson taught me anything, it's that once the pieces are in play and the clock is running, the last thing you should do is point out what the board looks like. Because we play mind games intuitively, what female PUAs have to work on is building intentions with their actions: actually think about how your actions will affect what your target will say next. Also, think about the consequences of your words and how they will affect the direction of the overall relationship. That is the biggest difference between a male PUA and a female PUA. I would have had much more luck and been more successful if I would have played the game on 5MPUA's terms because knowing their game makes me a better competitor.