Musings of a Female Pick Up Artist

The Girl who is one of the guys

2009-04-22T16:19:00.001-07:00

And another blog post that came out of my favourite rational male cynic.
Andrew and I were having an in-depth conversation about women who have all-male friends. I used to be one of those girls. It wasn't until I forced myself to be around girls in University (I joined a sorority) that I could even be comfortable being in a room full of girls. Yes, I will admit I loved the attention the opposite sex provided, but more than that, boys just like to do the fun things that I like to do. Which would you rather do:

lay on the beach in the sun or throw a frisbee around?
drink wine and watch a Hugh Grant movie while paiting your toe nails or drink beer and play guitar hero until you can't stand anymore.

For me it was always the latter. When I was a kid, I played football with the boys while the girls hung out and gossiped on the playground. People knew me as a tom boy, and since I've turned into a decent-looking adult, all of a sudden I'm trouble because of who I associate with. As a result, I've been thinking a lot about the boundaries I set with my male friends, and I often wonder what exactly is going through their heads when they look at me.

My theory of women who surround themselves with guy-friends only is two-fold:

1. If you were a Tom-boy growing up, you are basically socialized to like the attention of men. As a woman, you'll most likely be an attention whore. These are the girls that all the boys desire because it doesn't matter how much you tell yourself that your guy relationships are strictly platonic, if they had the choice, they would sleep with you. This makes you unattainable and completely desirable, just because you have no clue. Once I came to terms with that fact and actually realized the power I have over the men in my life, expectations were easier to manage and surprisingly, my friendships improved a lot.

2. If you find yourself more comfortable surrounding yourself with men, maybe it has everything to do with feeling protected. This is especially important for women with no male siblings. I know women who often surround themselves with the 'superman' type of guy. If you don't know what I mean, I'm talking about the guy who owns a pickup truck, will help you move and come get you from any uncomfortable situation any time day or night. These guys make up for the lack of male role models you had growing up.

And what does all of this mean for the female PUA? Well, if you happen to be one of the girls who is also one of the guys, think very carefully about your intentions with the men you associate with. You could inadvertently be either leading these men on or using them. No judgement here, but you could lose your friends to jealous girlfriends or even lose a potential conquest because you underestimated the power of the girl who is also one of the guys.

When They Just Have No Game

2009-04-16T14:44:00.000-07:00

I know that my blog has been primarily about my experiences with men, but I just have to tell you about the funny experience Duchess ran into the other day. It's too precious for words.

I'm not exactly sure where she initially met this guy. On a flight somwhere I think. All we knew was that he was cute and worked as a rep for Purdy's Chocolate. Sounds perfect no? She arranged to meet Purdy's Chocolate Guy (PCG) at a club downtown. As we were walking, I ran into a wonderful man named Lance who insisted he walk us to our destination and entertained us with exciting stories the entire way. Duchess and I still talk about the mystery man named Lance who decided to come with us on the six-block walk to the club but gracefully bowed out when PCG showed up with his not-to-attractive (NTA) friend. Lance was beautiful, but I had to let him go. It's what a good wing does. *sigh*

Well we spent all night with these two guys. I even went out to the balcony and had a cigarette with NTA *gross* to give Duchess and PCG time to get aquainted. I went on two more outings with Duchess and PCG as the wingman. It's what we do really.

Then all of a sudden PCG and NTA just dissapeared. We didn't hear anything from them and there was no follow-up. Every once in a while Duchess would tell me that PCG sent her a message will hintings of a "booty call," but we are not booty-call kind of girls. We wrote him off, and were on to better things.

Then I get a red-flagged email from Dutchess at work. When I opened it, I realized it wasn't to me but to PCG, and I was on the CC line. It said "Please refrain from calling my office with personal messages. Thank you." Attached was a recording that had come to Duchess' assistant as a voicemail. It read "hey, where is my booty call?"

He replied with "oh my God, I'm sorry! I must have text messaged the wrong number!"

Of course I forwarded this man's stupidity to my entire office and to all of our personal friends. It circulated back to me a couple weeks later in a forward from a completely unrelated contact. The title of the email was "How not to get a booty call."

The moral of the story is that, as a wing, we may have a few lost opportunities *sigh. . . Lance* but ultimately it's worth seeing your friends grow as PUAs, and it's even better when the men involved turn out to be stupid enough laugh about months later.

B

The Holy Grail

2009-04-08T16:20:00.000-07:00

to the three people who read this blog,

I'm sorry I have been away the last month. I've been finding pick up quite a bit boring lately, and I didn't get back into it until I was talking to a friend online the other day. I was voicing my frustration with the "easy" game women are forced to play. Men often ask me "you're into pick-up? why? all you have to do is smile." Yes men, but why do you make it so easy? Do you think that us women won't work for what we want?

No, it's because men think in the moment. They think, "wow I would take that girl home." Women, on the other hand think about the future; they ask, "is this is a potential boyfriend/mate." And as a result, men are the ones who have to work the hardest while women flash a smile and get what they want.

This is why I'm just not finding pick-up a challenge. I know, I shouldn't complain, but seriously when you're trying out a pick-up line and all you have to do is smile, it's frustrating. Also, I'm tired of every guy I meet wanting to sleep with me. I therefore took a boy hiatus and am now emerging feeling refreshed and ready to go again.

I wanted to share with you a conversation I had with a male PUA friend of mine who was describing the differences between men and women:

B- says: ok can I tell you a secret
Andrew D. says: You can tell me 6 secrets but not in a row, space them out
B - says: I don't even bother trying to get laid anymore because it bores me. Half the fun is the chase and dudes are boring
Andrew D. says: That's why men and women have different goals
B - says: I smile. . . they want to eff
Andrew D. says: The male goal is the vagina: the female goal is the ring
Blythe - says: no, that's not what I said
Andrew D. says: So a woman bragging about getting laid is like a man bragging about finding a woman who wants to get married
B - says: I like getting laid, but I like to play first. I like to know that I had to work for what I'm getting and that I deserve him as much as he deserves me, but I'm finding they're all the same.
Andrew D. says: Then you need to aim higher. That's where you're wrong. There are different levels of males
and what puts them at different levels is the quality of woman they can attain. At the bottom you got your middle eastern guys who wear lots of cologne, designer sunglasses and silk shirts with too many buttons undone. The higher up you go, the more benefits each fella has. The thing with gals is this:
you could show me to 5 of your friends and 4 would have the same response.
B - says: Response?
Andrew D. says: correct. 4 of your friends would have the same response from seeing me. 4 of them would say "He's not my type." That's just the way of the world. Meanwhile, I could show you to any 5 of my friends and they'd all wanna do ya. Just the way it is. So how does one appease these ladies? You get a guy who is everyone's type, and what would all girls agree is their type? A guy with money, an accent, good body, height, good face, does something artistic for a living or heroic and has a full head of hair. There's your holy grail, something to strive for. You want a chase, chase that. But word to the wise, good effin' luck cause guys like that are like the prettiest girl at the ball, they can have whatever they want. And you know what is better than your vagina? New vagina. hahaha so what happens then? You gotta cut corners and remove some stuff from your ideal fella. Then you know what happens? Some of your friends say "he's not my type."
life's funny that way.

Just a side note: Andrew is really interested in attraction theories and is ridiculously sharp. The catch is that he doesn't really care who he offends, so please don't take anything he says personally.

So there you go ladies. I think it's an important point to make as we all go out and look for the next cute guy to occupy our time. Why are we searching and what are we really looking for? Chances are he may not exist. Of course I'm not writing this to discourage you. It's more just a reminder to keep constantly reviewing and thinking about what exactly is it you want in a guy because your priorities will change over time. More importantly, if you're finding pick-up easy, take Andrew's advice and aim higher. . . . but not too high :)

B

Tips and Tricks - Openers

2009-02-27T16:40:00.000-08:00

Hey Ladies.

I thought I would give you something that you could actually use. A small list of openers

1. "Can I get your opinion on something . . . ..
"You look like a guy who would know about music can I ask you who you like better Blah or blah."
Then when he answers you say, "Yeah I don't really care about the answer, I just came over here to talk to you, you seem cool"

2. "Who do you think would win in a fight: Spiderman or Superman?" What, they're boys.

3. "Enter Clothing Compliment Here." I love this one. I find that it works the best if a guy is watching you watch him. Just walk up and compliment him on whatever he's wearing. Compliments will get you everywhere.

My Story - Business in Seattle, pleasure in Chicago

2009-02-10T16:33:00.000-08:00

Did tell you that I have spend the past couple weeks traveling in the US? I spend time in Seattle for business and then flew to Chicago for pleasure.

I have to admit, and I might have mentioned this before, but I have a great job. I travel quite a bit and get to network and chat with people all over the world. It's grand. When I was in Seattle for work in November I met a beautil man, and I could tell right away he was a brilliant PUA. He is one of the only men that has the ability to leave me completely speechless most of the time. We spent a couple great nights partying in Seattle and then we decided to continue the fun in his home town. Chicago.

I'm not exactly sure what to say about this man to help you all explain the ridiculousness of his life. He makes too much money for someone his age and is too gorgeous for his own good. As soon as I realized how completely in love with himself he is, we started to become decent friends instead of lovers. A very good choice.

Let me explain this man's pick up style to you: he does the most ridiculous stuff you can think of to get your attention. At first you think, yeah right buddy keep dreaming, until you turn around and realize how completely gorgeous he is; then all of a sudden it's cute.

When I met him, I was sitting chatting with a girlfriend and he had put a sticker on his crotch and stood beside me until I looked over and saw it. How the hell did THAT work? Maybe it was the Gucci shoes. I've seen him yell random symbols, throw his business card at girls, ask the stupidest questions such as "have you ever considered dating a gansta rapper." He even wore a cock ring around his ear for about an hour, so he could tell girls about it when they asked.

Let's think about it. Why is this guy, who is an obvious slut, (understatement) so good at picking up women with this attitude?

I'm sure the fact that he's gorgeous doesn't hurt, but his secret: he's so confident it's alluring. Women respond to confidence, especially the cocky funny* man - thank you David De'Angelo. Warning bells go off in our heads, but we can't stop the attraction if a man plays cocky funny right.

The great thing about my Chicago trip was that I learned the secret to winning this cocky funny game. It's not easy, but when done right you can take back the power in any social interaction. The entire concept of cocky funny builds it's momentum off 'negs.' The guy will act aloof or arrogant to take the social power away from you and put all of the attention onto him. When he negs you, he'll say little quips about you to his friends or try to disarm you with very pointed insults. This puts the fPUA in a tight spot because we can react in only one of two ways: we can get defensive which makes us look like a little hysterical, or we can retaliate which, may only encourage the behaviour. I like to play it by ear because it depends how funny vs. how arrogant the guy is. Oh, and btw, I've tried and negs really don't work as well on men as they do women. Too bad

Anyways, so with Chicago Guy (CG) I decide to throw his crap right back in his face. The way this guy negged me was by embarrassing me infront of random strangers. This conversation actually look place.
We were out of dinner with two of his friends. I went to the washroom and when I came back to the table, the waiter was filling water.
CG: Hey B, did you remember to wipe?
*at this point everyone turned to look at me at the table. I had a choice, get mad or get even*
B: no, I left a little bit for you. I know how you like it.
CG: *beautiful silence, shocked face*
CG's friend: wow you were told! look at the waiter laugh! hahah looks like you've met your match.

Where do I find them . . . Seriously?
I do realize that I didn't definitively tell you how to win with the cocky funny man. The trick in any social situtation is to analyze the roles that each person is playing. When you've thought about how everyone fits -including yourself- you can then decide the steps you need to take to manuvauer into a position of power. This is all about winning after all. Chicago guy was all about attention, but your guy may be different.

Happy Hunting

*Cocky and funny: also known as 'cocky comedy' can be called flirting, this refers to combination of arrogance and humor. A humorous mock arrogance intended to communicate with intelligence and being 'a challenge'. DeAngelo points out that it is important to get the balance right, as just using 'cocky' "comes across as insecure, and comedy alone usually comes across as goofy and dumb." "Cocky and Funny" is often abbreviated as "C&F."

My Story - You have a lot of nerve

2009-02-10T15:34:00.000-08:00

Ladies, I have owed you a post for too long. I've spent the past two weeks traveling in the US, and I have so many stories to tell you. I thought I would start by telling you of a story that happened this Friday in my own town.

My roommate, Duchess, and I have a pretty good set up here in Vancouver. We found an old house in an up and coming neighbourhood that we pay next to nothing for. She's really the queen of all things fashion, so the house looks amazing, but more importantly, the shoe budget looks even better. We also like to treat ourselves to ballin nights out just because we can. This is one of those nights.

I met Duchess downtown after work and we had a pretty great dinner while practising new pick up lines on the bartender (great target practise. Cute ones have heard them all, and they are normally not boys you want to get to know). After dinner we decided that the talent in the new bar was not to our tastes so we headed out to a great restaurant/bar here in town called the Salt Lick where we befriended a beautiful female bartender. At about 8pm our bartender decided we were cool enough to start having drinks on the house (pick up is about more than just meeting men remember). After a couple glasses of bubbly, I was getting ready to pack up and move on when an older gentleman sat down to have a glass of scotch while he was waiting for his table. I quickly struck up a conversation with him and discovered he was an engineer visiting from out of town. Duchess' eyes went from mildly interested to completely smitten (she has an engineer weakness) and we were quickly invited to their table for a drink.

After sitting down at their table we learned that they were all either married or engaged, and this was a night to entertain out of town clients. We do this all the time at work too: that's code for have a great time, the bill is on the company. After more wine, dessert, and coffee Duchess and I were out on the town again heading for a dance floor.

The only problem was that we had waited until about midnight to go out, so after passing three clubs to no avail, I started talking to a very fine gentleman (VFG) standing on the street corner about the status of the evening:

B: that is a very fine outfit you have there. How's your night going so far?
VFG: I waited in line for about 10 minutes with my friends then I ditched. I'm not a line kind of guy
B: us neither. You want to come with us on our journey to find the next party?
VFG: Sure
B: Lead the way.

We walked past a few places in Vancouver's trendiest district, Gastown until we came to a beautiful bar called Revel where we were quickly seated and given fantastic service. Myself and VFG really hit it off and about an hour in, Dutchess graciously bowed out like a perfect wing does. This left myself and VFG to get closer.

At about 1am the bar really started to fill. A group comprised of two older men and an older female strolled in and asked if they could use the other half of our table to rest against. By this time, VFG and I were sitting so close that it seemed silly to say no. Before we knew it, one of the older gentlemen (OG1) had engaged my now date in conversation and the other (OG2) was chatting to me. Somewhere in there we all did a business card swap, and while they were outside having a cigarette and VFG and I were getting closer, I felt my phone go off. I quickly checked the message. OG2 had sent me a text message that read:

OG2: hello this is the gentleman sitting across from you at Revel. I find you very attractive and was wondering if you would let me take you out to dinner sometime.
to which I responded via text message: You have a lot of nerve hitting on me in front of my date.
OG2: you said you met him tonight no? Also, I think you're attractive and if I pass the "cool text test" this week, you would you consider dinner yes?

I have to admit for the first time in a long time, I was shocked and did not know how to reply. My rule when that happens is that the best response is no response at all. Besides, VFG was so fine. At the end of the night we had made friends with the bar manager and the booze had once again become free. We had all had a little too much and I excused myself to go home. I realized then that I hadn't paid for anything since dinner. All in all a great night.

Just as a foot note: OG2 texted again and once VFG found out I would not be going home with him, he did not call.

Tips and tricks - Picking up guys in bars.

2009-01-20T17:40:00.000-08:00

Picking up Hot Guys (HG) in bars in a great way to start your PUA endeavours. We all go to bars to cruise for new talent. We dress up in all of our fanciest clothes and put on our best smiles. More importantly we drink, and that makes picking up boys at bars similar to shooting fish in a barrel (if you stay sober enough to think that is). I have two basic tricks for female PUAs wanting to pick up in this hottie hotspot: first, know how to separate yourself from the compitition; second, learn how to manage male expectations.

Separate yourself from the competition

I really struggled with this at first. I am definitely not a perfect 10. I would give myself a solid 8, but at a bar, I don't stand out. I like to dress up, but I am completely not the type of girl to wear ridiculously short shirts or low-cut tops to attract men. I'm not a prude: I'd much rather use fun, flirty body language with men and be comfortable. However, ladies if you have the rack and are comfortable, show it. If you handle yourself right, it won't matter. Just make sure you feel sexy

Now pay attention, this next statement is very important: The way I separate myself from the competition is by not playing the same games all women play at the bar. Being a PUA, whether it be male or female, is all about being the exception to the rule, which means doing the complete opposite of what everyone else is doing.

So what do men expect from women at the bar?

Stereotype one: women will hang out in big circles on the dancefloor, dancing around their coats and purses.

I go to the bar with two friends, so I can feel free to chat up men and not feel like I'm leaving my friends. Alternatively, my friends can individually do the same. men tend to hang out in groups of two. They are obsessed with the concept of the wingman, and two guys can usually approach three girls easily. I also don't hangout on the dance floor, but by the bar where all the boys hang out. Crazy idea huh?

Stereotype two: guys have to buy girls drinks.

I buy guys drinks. Did I just blow your mind? Sometimes it's the best way to establish a connection with a HG. Men are so used to being pressured to buy women drinks that when you order him a rye and coke (what guy doesn't drink that?) you will definitely get the kitty bowl of milk look (that's the 'wow this chick is sweet' look). You'll be a hero. Be a man about it too if you're so bold. After you've opened, and he's engaged just say "listen you're really cute, can I buy you a drink." If he says something like "wow it's great to have a girl buy the drinks," you can say "you can get the next one."

Stereotype three: the first thing a women will ask is 'what do you do' so that they can figure out how much money the guy makes

I have intersting, fun conversations with guys that don't include what they do or how much money they make. Make an impression first then ask those questions. I like to play a game. My favourite:

Me: Hey there

HG: hey

Me: so I just thought up a fun game, interested?

HG: what is it?

Me: Well, one of us picks a physical trait, like a chick with tights or a guy with his collar popped, and we'll both turn at the same time, and look around for someone in here who matches. The first person to find a match, wins. You in?

HG: cool, ok

It doesn't really matter who goes first, but when you on your turn, pick traits you would like to highlight in yourself. For example, I like to look for a girl in tights because then he thinks, "hey how are her legs?" You can cater it to yourself. If you have want to highlight your face, chose a person with facial peircings ect.
Another fun game is the 2 lies, 1 truth game. You pick two lies about yourself and one truth and try to get him to guess the truth. Get as silly as you want here.

Manage Expectations

I very much doubt that most HGs dream of meeting their life partner in a crowded night club after one too many beers. Don't be an idiot and expect him to call you the next day if you get hammered and either make out with him or go home with him. I have a rule: I never go home with guys from the bar . . . ever. If you go home with a guy, you become his conquest, and that is not power you ever want to give up. I also hardly ever kiss boys at the bar for the same reasons.

Managing that fine line between interest and physical contact can get a little tricky at first, but I like to touch guys in other ways that will make them want to call me the next day because they can't get me out of their head. Then they become my conquest. For example, if you structure your body language as such that he is always guessing if he can kiss you, most guys won't. If he does goes in, say something playful like "hey, that's not free" followed by a sexy smile . . . . "but this is." Then, put out a pen and write your number on his hand, say "maybe next time" and walk away. He'll call. Trust me. When you let go of his hand, be feminine, soft and linger. Remember look him in the eye and smile.

Funny enough, this is a trick I learned from my mother of all people. When I was 13 and told her about my very first kiss she said "now B don't ever give away too much with a man. He'll stick around much longer if you leave a little mystery behind you, and if he doesn't you won't be worse for it." Best advise about men I was ever given.

What are they up to?! - Neuro-Linguistic Programming

2009-01-18T13:48:00.000-08:00

My research in PUAs has taken me to a very famous book by a Gentleman by the name of Neil Stauss. It's called "The Game." In this book, he chronicles his journey of starting as an awkward almost-virgin, and with the help of some very famous PUAs, progressing to one of the best PUAs in the world. There are countless theories out there on how to manipulate and seduce women. One of my favourite lines in this book is "It's not lieing, it's flirting."

Most of the theories in this book are fun and completely entertaining. (If you're interested, pick up this book. It will help you recognize the games men play) There is one technique, however, that I find completely slimy and out of line. It's called Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). Ladies watch out.

NLP is a school of hypnosis where the subject is kept awake and given physical or verbal cues so that the "handler" can illicit influence them on a subconscious level. The dirty hypnotist (DH) will ask the female to associate a emotion (normally one of attraction) with a touch or gesture. Then whenever the DH performs said gesture, the female will feel that emotion. Seeing as she is always feeling the emotion of attraction when she's around the DH, he is in a perfect place to close on her. All he has to be moderately charming.

I encourage you all to do a little reading on this topic if you're interested. I find it slimy. This technique has less to do with meeting and interacting with people and more to do with manipulating women into having sex.

I welcome comments.

Tips and tricks: how not to talk to a male PUA

2009-01-18T12:45:00.000-08:00

This is a swing and miss story.

Last night I went to the local Vancouver Sex Show. If you've never been to a sex show, it's really nothing to sneeze about. It's basically a trade show where vendors sell toys and clothing, complete with fashion shows and costumes. I thought it would be an interesting place to try out some of my more outrageous pickup lines. As soon as I got there I quickly realized that the sex show was not a place for singles to meet, but a mecca for couples trying to spruce up their sex lives.

Not really my scene

I did, however have in interesting interaction with a male PUA.

The Sex Show is the perfect place for PUAs to advertise and recruit men. There were two booths that I saw with "become more attractive to women. Talk to any women you want and see results" kind of advertising. One booth in particular had a group of very attractive men handing out cards and chatting up guys who wanted to join their ranks.

I walked up to the booth. They saw me coming a mile away, so by the time I got to them, five Male PUAs (5MPUA) formed a small circle around me.

Me: Sorry, I'm confused, do you teach men how to talk to women or how to get them to be able to go home with women?
5MPUA: Honestly a little bit of both, mostly how to talk to women though
Me: so are you all PUAs? (first mistake. Although it was entertaining to see the complete look of shock on their faces when I said that)
5MPUA: What's a PUA? (sly smile) Do you know what a PUA is?
Me: (realizing my first mistake) oh I'm not sure, I might have heard the term (sly smile back)
*at this point I lost four of my PUAs and was talking to just one. I knew I had lost them*
Me: Well it's interesting what your doing. Ever heard of a female PUA?
*at this point, I had completely thrown this guy off any hope of closing with me and he knew it*
1MPUA: Well I've never heard of it and don't really see the point.
Me: My name is B, it was very nice to meet you. (and I walked away)

Normally, I wouldn't be so lucky as to walk up to a booth with men actually advertising themselves as PUAs. It's why I was so aggressive with them about what they were doing. When I asked Bullseye about this interaction, he told me that the first thing you learn as a Male PUA is that if a woman figures out you're playing the game, most times the game is over. You move on.

The lesson here is to think about every interaction you have with men as a game. As women, we are socialized to be able to play emotional games with people, even if we just say things to illicit a certain response. Ladies, we do this sometimes without even knowing it, and it's why men are often intimidated to approach us. They've come to expect these things from us. Men, however, have to learn the art of playing mind games. For them, it's what being a PUA is all about.

If this lesson taught me anything, it's that once the pieces are in play and the clock is running, the last thing you should do is point out what the board looks like. Because we play mind games intuitively, what female PUAs have to work on is building intentions with their actions: actually think about how your actions will affect what your target will say next. Also, think about the consequences of your words and how they will affect the direction of the overall relationship. That is the biggest difference between a male PUA and a female PUA. I would have had much more luck and been more successful if I would have played the game on 5MPUA's terms because knowing their game makes me a better competitor.

Tips and Tricks : How to start a conversation

2009-01-13T16:57:00.000-08:00

I found this as a comment on femalepickupatrist.com:

"Just a quick question. I am a guy, and I don’t see the point of becoming a PUA when you are a girl. If you are attractive, most guys will be more than happy if you go talk to them. You don’t even need to attempt a pick-up with a lot of them, just say “now” and many of them will go wherever you want them to go (some guys really have no self-respect…). And a lot of girls say they like confidence. Would you be able to be attracted to a guy not even able to go talk to you? I am not trying to dismiss female PUAs, it’s just that it’s the first time I hear about it and I don’t really see the point, since the dynamics and the way of thinking between guys and girls are way different."

Well I have a couple things to say to that if you don't mind. First, like I mentioned in the last post, being a PUA is about more than just picking up men at bars. It's about being comfortable and interesting enough to talk to in any social situation. Personally, and I hope I speak for most women, I don't want to end up with the guy that who has no self-respect. I also don't want to end up with the drunkest guy in the bar. The goal for PUAs is the exact same for both sexes: It's about figuring out what you want and making it happen.

One thing that I find really hinges on my success with men is practise. I talk to strangers. A lot. I talk to cab drivers, old men on the street, people beside me on the plane, and even couples. Everyone. Why would I do that? Well, I find that the more people I talk to, the better I get at connecting with people. Basically, if you can be engaging everywhere you go, you will be more prepared when a man walks into your life and makes you forget your name.

Here are some tips for starting conversations.

1. Find common ground . . . anything. The reason why it is so easy to meet people at bars is because you instantly have something in common: booze. If you're in the grocery store, you have food; if you're at the park, you have sunshine. Small talk is all about relating to another person on superficial terms. I also never say hello. What a boring opener.

2. Ask questions and do not do all the talking. Women are pretty big culprits when it comes to talking non-stop when they're nervous. Silence does not have to be awkward, and asking questions ensures the conversation doesn't stall. Besides, this is basically a mini-interview. You want to know if he's actually worth your time.

3. Pay attention to body language. There are always two channels of communication happening between people: verbal and non-verbal. If you are completely unsure of how to act, the best way to make him feel comfortable is to mimic his body language. If there is a definite message you want to convey, try using your body instead of your words. Look him in the eye, lean in when he says something interesting, and mind your posture ladies.

An example from the other day:

Re: Really Cute Hipster Coffee Dude (CHCD) waiting for his tall Americano.

Me: You wouldn't happen to live around here would you?
CHCD: yeah, actually
Me: . . . great. Do you know a good brunch place? I'm new to the area.
CHCD: (reaches for coffee, exposing a cool wrist tattoo) yeah there's one two doors down. It looks rundown but has good service.
Me: Great I'm meeting a girlfriend in a bit. We'll check it out.
CHCD: Cool (silence. . . seeing if he would pick up the conversation)
Me: Couldn't help notice your tattoo. It's sweet. Is there a story?
CHCD: Yeah actually it's . . .
Me: (grabs coffee and interrupts) sorry, do you want to sit? I have a bit before my girlfriend gets here.
CHCD: Sure. Anyways . . .

Finding common ground is key. Try it out and let me know how it goes.
btw. Got his number, went to some cool art shows, drank some coffee then graciously backed away.

One key thing I always do when I chat with men is allow them to initiate. We're still women here, and you never want to come off too aggressive or forceful. You just never know how men will take it. Once you really start to learn how to read body language, you'll know when you can push it a little.

Till Next Time!

About this Blog

2009-01-13T16:53:00.002-08:00

As a single, urban female I find myself surrounded by men: big ones, small ones, short ones, fat ones. I'm constantly surprised with the levels of style and talent men have for picking up women. My feelings are that cute (and even incredibly gorgeous) men are everywhere: a dime a dozen, but what separates a cute guy from an extremely sexy man is his ability to be and comfortable in social situations.

This got me thinking: could it be the same for women? Does my social value go up if I can walk up to any man in any bar and have him eating out of the palm of my hand? Of course it does. If you think you're cute enough, think again. The type of man we should all strive for is the one who can walk up to a group of women engaged in conversation and walk away with with every single one watching. At first thought you may think this is a disgusting display of masculine conquest, however these are the men who will broker more deals, make more money, have a larger network, be sensitive to how their actions affect other people, and yes ladies, even be able to charm your father. These are the men we want.

So how do we find these men, and more importantly, how do we KEEP these men?

This purpose of this blog is three (and a half) fold:

1. Posts with a "my story" are about my successes and failures with being a female pick up artist. I will share all. Comedy will ensue.

2. Posts with "tips and tricks" will be new tips and responses to blog posts/forum post for tips we can all use. I will always be responsive and respectful to the content I find on the web and will remove any of it if the original author doesn't want it up here.

3. Posts with "What are they up to now" will be warnings. There are men out there doing really slimy things. I'm going to expose them to as many women as possible. I'm always up for games, but when men lie to our faces then post it all over the Internet as a conquest, they've gone too far.

4. My best friend is a male PUA. I may talk him into sharing some secrets. Look for posts with "Bullseye" in the title for some friendly male advise.

Happy hunting!